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Home > Time Out Ideas

Time Out Ideas

IDEAS ON THE USE OF TIME-OUT 
WITH YOUNG CHILDREN

Time-out is not a new procedure. Grandmother used time-out when she made you sit on the couch for a few minutes when you were little. A wide variety of techniques come under the term time-out. Any technique that involves requiring the child to take a break from a desired activity, or separating them from the normal situation until they calm down, can be termed time-out.

Time-out is generally appropriate for attention-seeking misbehavior, for angry tantrums, or for any other type of persistent misbehavior. Time-out is effective whenever a child loses emotional control. Time-out is generally not appropriate for sulking, grumpiness, forgetting chores or homework, fearfulness, withdrawal, or behaviors not actually witnessed by the parent.

Time-out is a technique that is based on rights and responsibilities. The child had the right to join in and participate, but also has the responsibility to follow the rules. If the child cannot live up to the responsibility, then they lose the right to join in.

The goals for the use of time-out include: (1) helping the child calm down and regain control, (2) allowing the child the chance to reconsider their decisions about their behavior, and (3) enforcing rules so the child can learn responsibility. Remember that time-out is primarily used to help the child calm down rather than to punish the child. Time-out also gives a child a chance to consider their choices. While a child is in time-out, his options are to change the way he behaves and rejoin the others or continue his misbehavior and stay in time-out. It is very important to try to point out to the child that this is his choice and he is free to choose either one, but that he will be required to stay in time-out if he chooses to continue to misbehave. It is crucial to try to put emphasis on the child’s responsibility for his own behaviors and for the consequences that follow. If a child becomes angry about the punishment, it can be helpful to explain that the child can’t argue with the parent because they are not responsible for what happens to the child. The child himself makes choices about his behavior, and these choices bring the consequences. Thus, the child is responsible for the consequences that follow, not the parent.

Any type of brief interruption from reinforcement, attention, or fun activities can be time-out. There are a number of various ways to use time-out. Generally, it is appropriate to use very minor forms of time-out for the first time a child misbehaves on a given day. Very simple, short forms of time-out include pulling the child back from a table and giving a brief warning, or clasping the child’s hands between yours while you warn them about using their hands correctly and what might happen if the misbehavior continues.

Generally, we think of time-out as moving a child to an assigned place until the calm down. Because the goal is to help the child calm, it is best to use a location that is somewhat relaxing. Consider using a bean bag chair or a carpet square as a location for time-out. Time-out should not be in an area where the child can reach a lot of toys

or watch television. Neither should time-out be in a frightening or dark area. Generally, time-out is more effective if it is not used in the child’s bedroom or in the child’s bed. Sometimes the parents’ bed can be an appropriate place for time-out, but be sure there are no breakables within reach.

Often it is appropriate to warn a child following the first misbehavior. For instance, if a child kicks the dog, it may be appropriate to warn the child about what ill happen if he does it again rather than to use time-out initially. However, use only one warning. Try to put the warning in the form of a choice for a child. For example, "if you choose to kick the dog again, you will have to go time-out."

It is crucial to avoid giving more than one warning or chance. If a child misbehaves again, it is crucial to quickly direct them to the time-out area. If the child will not go alone, it is appropriate to physically restrain them and move them. However, parents and teachers often benefit from direct instruction on appropriate restraint methods, if these are needed.

A crucial mistake in the use of time-out is talking too much to the child. For a general rule of thumb, you should say no more than ten words to a child when they go to time-out. Usually the child already knows what he has done wrong, and a lecture at this point can interfere with the use of time-out. The more you talk, the less time-out works. Generally, it is appropriate to tell the child briefly what he did wrong and what he must choose to do if he wants to get out of time-out.

In training young children, the most difficult part is often getting them to stay in time-out until they have calmed down or been quiet for a minute. It is crucial that you require the child to stay until he chooses to behave. If you let the child leave while he is still screaming, yelling, or fighting, then it will be even more difficult to use time-out the next time. When using time-out for the first time with 4 or 5 year olds, it may take 30 minutes or more to get the child to stay in the time-out area for even 15 to 20 seconds. When initially training children, 15 seconds of being quiet in the time-out area is long enough. Generally, it is appropriate to use up to 1 minute for each year of age.

If a child screams, it is best to ignore them and only to occasionally remind them what they must do to leave time-out. If a child runs or leaves the time-out area, they must be returned immediately if time-out is to be effective.

Some parents and teachers have found timers to be very effective in helping with time-out. This makes the time-out somewhat more objective to the child and also helps them realize that there is some limit to the time-out. Additionally, the timer can be reset if the child continues to scream or leave the time-out area. Generally, children quickly learn what to do to avoid having the timer set for longer periods. Timers can also be helpful if a parent finds that they tend to forget and leave a child in time-out too long.

It is crucial to ensure that the child calms down before being allowed to leave time-out. Once the child is trained to go on their own and to stay in the time-out area, it is often appropriate to allow them to choose the amount of time they must stay. You can do this by telling them simply "When you choose to follow the rules, then you can return." In this case, the child can go to the time-out area and return immediately, as long as they have changed their behavior.

Also, please follow teachable moment technique, of teaching the child what the appropriate behavior and good choices are next time they are faced with that emotion or choice making.  You have to TEACH them the right behaviors by verbal, and role playing communication at these moments, so that next time, they will remember what to do correctly. 

Even the most difficult child can be successfully trained to use time-out. However, this can be a very stressful process for parents and teachers. Professional support can often be crucial. Consult with your child’s teacher or talk with a child development specialist or school psychologist. Once the child is fully trained, most parents agree that the effort was clearly worth the end result, because the child will improve in behavior and also learn some new ways to calm down.

Children with much emotional stress or trauma may need other types of support services to fully benefit from discipline. Consult with the child development specialist or school psychologist. The sooner a child learns self-control and responsibility, the easier parenting will become. Interventions for behavioral and emotional problems are more successful with young children. If in doubt, consult a specialist.

Remember that time-out can work with all children, but often parents must experiment with different ways to use time-out. The guidelines above are suggested as guidelines for experimenting with time-out. For more information, consider a book entitled "SOS! Help for Parents" by Lynn Clark, published by:

Parents Press
P.O. Box 2180
Bowling Green, KY  42102-2180

 

© Parent-Child Services Group, Inc. 4/99

William Allen, Ph.D., NASP

Permission to copy for educational purposes only

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